Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling may NOT be the most effective way to save your marriage.
Many couples have issues that continue to bother them, something that happened years ago that they never let go of, something that they never "moved through" with their partner. Every now and again it comes back up to the surface - when one of them pushes the other’s button. Or worse, the issue just sits there, brushed under the carpet, creating a silent drag on the relationship. Until finally it comes out as, "I'm not happy" or "I want a divorce" or "I don't love you anymore."
Couples who have a deep bond with each other, or have children to consider, will go to marriage counseling. Many marriages have been saved that way. But many couples find that counseling sessions become a nightmare - a ‘blamefest’ that drains them emotionally and financially, and doesn’t really solve anything. And did you ever try to communicate when you’re angry? That doesn’t work either.
Alternatives to the traditional ‘blamefest’ marriage counseling.
1. One such alternative is to NOT confront your problems, but to instead focus on positive things in your relationship. As this method progresses, you’ll find your problems dissipating. “BUT” I hear you saying, “how can that work? She/he won’t cooperate, and our problems are so huge they are there all the time”. Try a Gratitude Diary where everyday you write down 5 things you like about your partner that day. Every item must be different, couched in a positive way, and you can never repeat anything. This will seem difficult for the first days, however, after a while your focus will change and, knowing you must find another 5 things, you’ll be looking for good things they do or say. This will atrract these things to you. Make a commitment to keep this diary for a month, and you’ll see the difference. Can’t think of anything to start with? Try the fact that they were there, or went to work, emailed you a joke. They can be very simple and still effective.
2. Another alternative is this in-depth ebook “What Husbands Can’t Resist” by Bob Grant, known as “The Relationship Doctor”. Scroll down to about half way down the page for all the problems in marriages that he has the answers to. Just too many to list here. I resonated with just about all of them. It not only teaches how to communicate effectively in a marriage, it also covers many other issues too.
3. Or try this Relationship Compatability Test, that draws out information from your partner in a non-threatening, light-hearted way, without turning them off. It’s called “Dig A Little Deeper - Find The Hidden Treasure In Your Relationship”.
This is an excellent resource, a communication tool for couples, because it bypasses that little phrase that most men hate "We need to talk", that immediately puts men on the defensive. Instead, present your partner with a list of fun and painless questions, to get the two of you talking, make you laugh and strengthen your love bond.
4. If your spouse has already left you, then you’ll need a different set of strategies to get your ex back, even if the situation seems hopeless. Many relationships CAN be salvaged successfully, but NOT by doing any of these...
- Convincing them we are the love of their life
- Apologizing profusely for everything
- Promising to change for good this time
- Begging with them to take us back
- Arguing and nagging
Using those strategies will not only demean yourself (and that’s not a good basis for a successful relationship), but will probably irritate your ex. They will have the opposite effect of what you want to achieve. Learn more about getting your ex back.
Try those alternatives to help your marriage problems. But, you may also find a couple of sessions of marriage counseling may help initially to get things in perspective.
See also Anger Management
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